PIERRE, SOUTH DAKOTA
The annual kink survey contained many surprises, but perhaps the most stunning news was naming of South Dakota as the kinkiest state in the US.
“Everyone expected California,” said Dr. Andrew Williams, PI for the project which was funded by Sydney University’s School of Sociology. “Maybe New York or Illinois, but no one saw South Dakota coming.”
Careful scrutiny of the data has uncovered the reason why and his name is Paul G. Premkins of Dell Rapids, SD.
Research assistant Kerri S. Watkins explained, “It was really this one guy. He is far and away the kinkiest person we have ever encountered. He is into stuff that would make a Japanese hentai animator blush. We had to rewrite the entire scale for him. I am sure that is what skewed the results.”
Premkins, 43, has been kinky for “a couple decades,” but doesn’t see his kink as anything unusual. “I just do what turns me on and when you live in a small town you have to be a little creative.”
Premkins describes himself as a polyamorous, bisexual, queer, switch, sadomasochist little.
Watkins was quick to point out that without Premkins, South Dakota doesn’t even make the top 25 in terms of its kinkiness. “Premkins is really putting South Dakota on the map. And, man, that guy is fucked up.”
The other states in the top five were California, New York, Florida, and Utah. Wyoming was number six. Part of the reason for Wyoming’s high rating is that Premkin’s younger brother Carl lives in Casper.
“I’m proud of that kinky little fuck,” the elder Premkins told The Daily Flogger, “once I show him some of the new uses I have found for root vegetables and fermented soy beans, I think you are going to see Wyoming get a boost in the ratings.”
Carl Premkins, 40, thinks his brother is “a bit out there on the edge” but he hopes to achieve similar recognition some day. The younger Premkins is heavily influenced by Japanese porn and considers himself more of a traditionalist that his older brother. “It’s hard to find octopus here, but we do have garden slugs, so I have been working with that. It’s not exactly hentai, but it is still pretty perverted.”
Where’s the ranking of the rest of the states?