Ask Annie: Am I Leather?


Dear Annie,

I have recently been exploring the Lifestyle and I have been wondering if I am truly leather? It seems to be a big commitment and so far no one has given me any piece of leather. I keep hearing that I should “earn my leather” but I am not sure how to do that.

Leatherless in Las Vegas

Dear Leatherless,

Being is not about the clothes you wear, the things you do, or the content of your character. It is about judgment. You only truly become leather when other people say you are. The best way to show that you belong is through the liberal use of platitudes. Add terms like “leather heart” and “leather spirit” to your vocabulary. Whenever possible make sure to tell people that “leather is just who I am” and if possible add in “I have always been leather, I just never had a name for it.” Refer to it as a “journey.” A lot.

You can always tell people that you earned your leather. Every piece of it. I’ve been at this for decades and trust me, no one checks. It is more of a thing that you are supposed to know to say it. Someone once gave me some pants, but only because they had lost a lot of weight and they didn’t fit any more. I think that happens a lot. Especially with leather people, they tend to go up and down in weight.

The most important thing, however, is the hat. You need a hat. But don’t ever call it a hat. Call it a “cover.”

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