SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA
After 6 years of searching Dr. Kilroy Wells can finally report an end to his latest search.
“It has been my white whale,” Wells told The Daily Flogger, “I was about ready to give up when he practically fell into my lap.”
That person in question is Jeff Mars, a 15 year veteran of the San Diego BDSM scene who is, as far as anyone knows, the only member of the BDSM world who is not also a fan of the BBC television program Doctor Who.
“When he asked us ‘Doctor Who?’ we thought he was being funny,” said Sam Rothman, one of the 29 team members that have accompanied Wells on his 6 year journey to find someone kinky who was not a fan of Doctor Who. “It turns out he was completely serious. He had no idea what we were talking about. He didn’t even know who David Tennant was. Or Matt Smith.”
Wells and his team will have their paper published in the scientific journal Nature next month and have filed to have Mars classified as a new species, Homo Whovian Ignoramus.
When Mars was finally shown an episode of the show (“Blink”), he told researchers “I don’t understand what the big deal is. The guy is a time traveller, so what? And what is with the stupid blue box. I don’t get it.”
When asked if he was now a fan of the show, Mars replied with an empathic “No.”
“I won’t be watching again and I am definitely not a fan,” Mars told The Daily Flogger.
Dr. Wills will now return to Sydney University to continue his research. Armed with data from examinations, MRIs, CAT scans, surveys and test, Wills will attempt to understand how someone from the BDSM community could have a lack of interest in all things Whovian.
“It doesn’t make sense,” Wills said, “but you can’t argue with the data.”
Mars is taking his new celebrity in stride, “Some people say I have changed,” he told us, “because of all the attention. But I am really the same guy I was before. But if I could change, I would probably make myself a ginger.”
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