CHICAGO, LOUISIANA
With 16 Republicans already announced as vying for the 2016 Presidential nomination, a group has some up with a list of positions that all Republicans are expected to accept as part of their official platform.
The Conservative Values Coalition has, for the first time, specified BDSM, Kink, and Fetishism on their list of activities that are “Practiced Privately and Denied Publicly.”
The document details kinks and fetishes that should be “publicly ridiculed” and encouraged the use of words like “freaks, weirdos, perverts, and abominations” to describe practitioners, yet permitted candidates to engage in kinky activity “as long as they don’t get caught.”
Another provision specified in the document was “nothing in the butt,” as that crosses the line from being “merely kinky” into “full blown gayness.”
Washington insiders speculate that such restrictions may be aimed at Ted Cruz who, for years, has been known in Washington kink circles for his love of enema play.
“It is going to be hard for Cruz to keep away from the butt,” one prominent Lobbyist told The Daily Flogger, “but if you want to be President, you have to prove you are willing to be a hypocrite and this is a good opportunity for Ted to step up.”
