HALIFAX, NEBRASKA
Computer programmer and BDSM Top Chip Morganfall, 23, says he has created the perfect computer program to generate kinky and popular writings for the website Fetlife.
“It is a lot easier than it sounds,” said Morganfall, “all I do is apply a text generation program around three themes: consent, how stupid young male dominants are, and criticizing others for having ‘one true way.’ I have found that the more patronizing I am in the tone and the more dismissive I am of other points of view, the more loves I generate. I then slap on one of six pre-fabricated trigger warnings and they never fail to go kinky and popular.”
According to Morganfall, the program, simply called “Platitudes” offers anyone who wants their 15 minutes of Fetlife fame, a quick and easy solution. He is selling it as a service, charging kinksters $5.99 per platitude posting.
Morganfall is set to launch a second service soon, which will feature bathroom selfies of naked young women merged with a customer’s head shot.
“Early testing shows that with the right bathroom and the right set of breasts, we can make anyone’s selfie go kinky and popular as well. Most surprising in our research was the state of the bathroom. It has to be messy enough to look real but not so messy that the woman looks like a snob. We also found that displaying feminine hygiene products in the selfie was a big turn off.”
Morganfall’s business has been a success, though he refuses to release names of clients of specify which of the posts on Fetlife are a product of his service.
“We keep all of that confidential, but I can tell you it is most of them.”
